


Kyungsoo’s decision

by anchorexo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21866827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anchorexo/pseuds/anchorexo
Summary: Kim Jongin has been in love with Kyungsoo since third grade, and that doesn’t change, not even when he presence Kyungsoo’s suicide.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Park Chanyeol
Kudos: 8





	1. Crush

CHAPTER 1

My locker is number 437, originally it’s supposed to be numer 289 but this one is much closer to Do Kyungsoo’s, so I forced Chanyeol to switch with me only to see him everytime we switched classes. It sounds a little obsessive since I couldn’t even formulate a whole sentence when I saw him, I couldn’t even go a start a conversation, but it was worth it.

Kyungsoo laughed as his best friend said something funny in his ear.  
I didn’t even know what he was laughing about, I could only look at his perfect hair, his perfect eyes, he has a perfect everything. His teeth were so damn perfect too, he didn’t even have to wear braces like the rest of us did.

He has never been my friend, we don’t go to the same parties, we don’t even have classes together. Two years ago in History Class, we were together, he sat behind me and we had to make pairs so we could work on a project, that was the only time we spoke.

“Oh, excuse me. Would you like a bucket for your drool?” my best friend said while coming behind me.

I hated that he knew about my crush because he’s so damn loud and there’s a lot of people around.

“Shut up” I whispered.

“I swear to god, Jongin. When you die, your ghost will still be on earth only because you haven’t seen him enough” he shook his head with a smile and then he hid behind his books.

Byun Baekhyun was besides me now, wearing his geeky glasses and a pretty odd smile.  
“G-good morning, Chanyeol” he said.

“It’s afternoon” my best friend answered.

“Is it?” he laughed awkwardly “I really liked that drawing of deadpool you did yesterday”

“I didn’t”

The bell rang then and Chanyeol left without saying a word.

“We should just go to class” I said trying to get Baekhyun to move.

**********

When I got home that day, my mom was begging me to go to Prom. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to” I said playing with my meal as my family all looked at me expecting something “It’s just, Chanyeol doesn’t have a date and...”

“Do you?” asked my dad “Do you have a date for prom?”

“He’s gonna ask Do Kyungsoo” my little sister Jen said smiling.  
All my family knew I was gay, but it wasn’t a subject we talked about.

“No, I won’t” I said.

“I bet he’s going with Oh Sehun” she said dreamily.

“You haven’t even spoken a word to him”

“Have you?”

I blushed.  
Yes, it was true, I have always been in love with Do Kyungsoo, but last year I had a thing with Oh Sehun.  
It all started when Chanyeol dragged me to the football game on a thursday night. He was going to fuck with a girl from another school and he wanted me to go if she bailed out.  
She didn’t, so they both left and I just stood there waiting for the game to be over so I could call Chanyeol to give me a ride home.  
Apparently, he was at Sehun’s place since there was a party that day so I went to the parking lot to search for someone who was also going so I could go with them and I saw Sehun crying in his car, they lost the game and he was going to get kicked out if they lost one more.

“Is everything okay?” I asked. We weren’t close at all but we talked sometimes in class.

“Yeah, yeah. I was just...” he whipped his tears. “We lost”

“That was nothing, you’ll get them the next game” I tried to cheer him up. “Are you on your way to your party?”

“I don’t really feel like going” he whispered.

“Oh”  
I stood there watching him from outside the car window trying to look for someone else in the parking lot to take me with them.

“Get in” he said “I’ll give you a ride”

“Thank you”

I knew he wasn’t going to let me at my home without doing anything about the sexual tension there was between us both, but when he parked in front of my house and kissed me, I still acted surprised.  
He gave me a blowjob and I gave him one too. He promised to do it again if I was good and didn’t say anything to anyone. He was still in the closet then. I agreed.

We did it for three months, we weren’t boyfriend or anything, we just fucked sometimes. But this one night he told me he loved me. I panicked, obviously.  
I mean, we had amazing sex for a while and then all of a sudden he loved me?  
I told him he should go and we haven’t spoken since.

He came out about a month later when he started to date Do Kyungsoo freely. I cried a lot and I honestly don’t know why, I got over it a month later, when they broke up.

“Well, if you don’t want to go, there’s a lawn that needs a lawn that needs to be mowed” my dad said as he took a bite of the chicken my mom made.

“Fine, i’ll go” 

“You should invite Yixing!” my mom said. “You can be his boyfriend too!”

My dad gave my mom a weird look and said.  
“He’s nice” 

**********

“Kim Jongin! You said we were going to do a Star Wars marathon and smoke weed!” chanyeol whinnied as we spoke on the phone that night.

“First of all, you finished all of our weed. And second, I mean, we’ve watched Star Wars a lot! Let’s just go, I mean, how bad could it be?”

“Fine, whatever. But I’m inviting Jongdae” he whispered.

My friend Chanyeol has had a secret crush on him since last year and has been trying to get to talk to him but he fails everytime cause he’s too shy.

“Yeah ok”

“I swear!”

“Right”

“I’m not kidding”

“Okay”

“Fuck you”

“Good night”


	2. Smile

CHAPTER 2

“I’m gonna do it”

“Okay”

“No, but I swear I’m gonna do it”

“Do it, then”

Chanyeol was debating himself as we both watched Kim Jongdae getting some things from his locker. He’s so sure he’s gonna ask him to prom today, but time is running out and i’m pretty sure he has a date already.

“Chanyeol” I said.

“Yeah” 

“He’s about to leave” we both saw as Jongdae closed his locker and started to put books inside of his backpack. “It’s time”

My best friend took a breath and made his way to Kim Jongdae, who was now fighting with the lock of his locker.

“You have to push it up, then down” Chanyeol said as he did it. The locker opened instantly.

“Thanks” Jongdae said giving him a weird look.

“I’m Chanyeol” 

“I know”

“You do?”

“Yeah, you’re Baekhyun’s boyfriend” he laughed “I’m kidding. I know he likes you, I mean, everyone knows”

“Well, I don’t like him”

“He’s nice” Jongdae started to look inside his locker trying to find his Geometry book.

“Do you have a date for prom?” asked chanyeol.

“Why? Are you gonna invite me?”

“Well, yeah”

Jongdae turned to him.  
“Really?” Chanyeol nooded. “Okay”

“Was that a yes?”

“It’s gonna be weird but everyone knows we’re both gay, so I don’t see why not”

“Great” he smiled “Guess i’ll see you around”

“You definitely will”  
Chanyeol almost blacked out at that moment, I could definitely see it by the way he was standing.

“By the way, does your friend Kyungsoo has a date for prom?” he whispered.

“No, he doesn’t want to go”

“Oh” 

“Why? You wanted to ask him if I said no?”

“No, no, that’s not it. It’s just, a friend of mine likes him”

“Kim Jongin?” chanyeol was confused “Isn’t he like your only friend?”

“You sure do know a lot about me” he laughed.

“I see you around a lot” he said.

“I see you around a lot too” my best friend smiled and a small dimple appeared on his cheek.

“I should go to class” Jongdae said as he closed his locker.

“See you around then”  
He was gone in a instant and then I saw how Chanyeol made a little dance in front of me.

*********

A week later, Do Kyungsoo smiled at me for the first time.  
It was Monday and we were both in class supposedly paying attention when I looked over at him finding he was already look at me.

Honestly fuck me

He then smiled at me and I blacked out.  
Fucking embarrassing.

“How do you feel now?” the school nurse asked me as I was now in her office.

“I’m much better” I took a zip of the orange juice she gave me.

“Can you tell me what happend now?”

“I-I haven’t have breakfast yet” I lied. I always have breakfast.

“That’s it?” I nodded “Because you passed out in front of the whole class out of nowhere”

I tried to hide behind my hoddie.  
“It won’t happen again. I’m sorry”

“You don’t have to apologize. Just don’t skip any more meals” I nodded.

“Hi” my best friend appeared in the door smiling.

“You may come in” the school nurse said “I’ll be right back with some papers for you. You may go home for the rest of the day”

As she left, Chanyeol sat in my bed and looked at me.

“Don’t say anything” I said.

“You literally passed out because he looked at you” chanyeol laughed.

“Listen! He didn’t just look at me, he fucking smiled at me too!”  
My best friend started laughing and for a while I laughed too.


	3. Sexual Orientations

CHAPTER 3

“I’m literally going to prom with Kim Jongdae” my best friend said over the phone “You can’t fuck with me no’mo”

“Fuck you” I said and hang up.

Chanyeol had been bragging about it for over a month now and I honestly had enough. I’m also kinda mad because I don’t have a date and it was my fucking idea to go!

I’ve been postponing asking Yixing, my next door neighbor, because I wanted to invite Kyungsoo, but ever since my incident in class, I couldn’t even stare at him in peace without wondering what he thought about it, about me.

Did he now know me as the kid who passed out in the middle of the class?  
Did he fell bad about me?  
Did he even notice?  
Why can’t he love me back?

“Fuck” I yelled.

This is so fucking frustrating.  
I can’t help but to think about what he’s thinking.  
I had to do something else than think about that, so I started to think about him physically.

His beautiful brown eyes.  
His black hair.  
His smile.  
His heart-shaped lips.  
The way he walked.  
His ass.  
Fuck, his ass.  
Why couldn’t he fuck me?  
Actually, why couldn’t I fuck him?  
Why couldn’t I suck him?  
Why couldn’t I see his beautiful plump lips around my cock?

I have loved this man since before I even knew what love meant. So when I started to find out I could do more with my dick than peeing, my life started to change.  
I couldn’t help but to masturbate at the idea of him just kissing me.  
Now that I’m more grown up, I had imagined every single possible scenario of me and him in bed, and some other places.

Chanyeol says i’m insane of thinking like that but I know he has masturbated a lot with Jongdae’s profile picture on Facebook, even if he denies it.

It’s not that I only want to fuck him, I mean, obviously I do. But I want to kiss him too, I want him to be happy, I want to make him feel good.  
Fuck.  
That’s the only thing I want to do in my life.  
To make him feel good.

I stood up from my bed then, and made my way to the shower, since I knew I was gonna have to masturbate again thinking about him this much. 

I felt very embarrassed to do that now.

**********

“Hey” Yixing said as he opened the door.

“Hi, man” I said. Shit, that sounded so heterosexual of me.

As I stood in front of his porch, I thought about what to say. We knew each other since forever even though we weren’t friends at all.  
I knew he had a crush on me several months ago, but I was afraid he’ll turn me down since I’ve seen him with a girl lately.

I felt very uncomfortable now.

“Are you-are you doing something next friday night?” I asked.

“Are you asking me on a date?” He seemed confused.

“There’s... prom?” 

“You’re asking me to prom?” I nodded. “Honestly, I would love to go. But I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

I felt afraid to ask why, so I nodded.  
“Thanks anyways”

“If you’re not uncomfortable with going with a girl...” he stopped me before I got to the gate “maybe my sister could go with you”

“It’s alright” I said. He knew I was gay but I had no idea what his sexual orientation was, and that kinda bothered me. “Thank you”

**********

“He’s bisexual” Chanyeol said the next day.

“I don’t know” I passed him the joint as smoke came out of my mouth.

The light turned green and I started to drive again. We were going to the movies but it’s now 2 am and it’s closed. We didn’t even notice what time it was, so we are now driving back to his house.

“When did you know you were gay?” he asked as he looked at me zipping his cold coffee.

“A day before I told you” 

“No, but like, who made you notice that? Was it Kyungsoo?”

I laughed.  
“Is that a real question?”  
The answer was a yes, obviously.

“I always knew I was pansexual” he said with a melancholic voice “I just found the right word for what I felt, a little bit later”

He was always like this.  
Whenever Chanyeol smoked weed he got all sad, and a melancholy feeling filled me up everytime he did.

“I’m happy you’re proud of yourself”  
I parked in front of his house and looked at him.  
He was handsome today, his dilated pupils stared back at me and his smile was comforting.

“I wish you were proud of yourself too” he whispered.

The air was tense then. I could imagine Kyungsoo being in Chanyeol’s place now, shotgun in my car, at 2am smoking weed.

“I am”

“No, you’re not”  
He was right, If i didn’t have Chanyeol, I would have lost my mind long ago.

“I’m sleeping over tonight” I changed the subject.

“It’s barely 2.16 am. Let’s go get something to eat” he whispered as he drank his entire cold coffee.

I took the joint out if his hands and drove.


	4. FUCK

"You're kidding" I said

"You may call me The-Guy-Who-Fucked-Jongdae from now on" Chanyeol stood up and bowed.

"Fuck off" I laughed.

"We did it last night. I texted him to know if we could meet, and we did. We met each other very well yesterday" He took a zip of the cold coffee he had ordered.

We were now in a coffee shop downtown because he said he had good news.  
"How was it?" I asked, because I really wanted to know.

"I can still feel everything. His tongue mostly, and i'm not even gonna tell you where I felt his tongue because you're not gonna believe me" I laughed and we high-fived.

"You are such a little bitchy liar. All that i'm a top shit for nothing. You let him fuck you didn't you?"

"In my defense, he's totally a top, the goddess of tops, he's the top of every single top in the world. I swear"

"Sadly, I believe you" I said.

Later that day, we got to a suit rent shop, so we could..... well rent a suit.

"I will honestly kill you if you wear a black normal suit" my best friend said as he undressed himself in the room we were supposed to fit our suits.

I turned to see the ones I picked.  
"Not all of them are black"

He unzipped his jeans.  
"Dark blue? Really?"

I took off my shirt.  
"Not all of us can be fashionable gays"  
He laughed.

**********

On Wednesday morning I decided I was going to invite Kyungsoo, it was honestly just a suicide plan. The prom is in two days, he obviously has a date already, but when I saw him that day, wearing a sweatshirt that read LSU, I decided I would do it even if I die.

I opened my locker and tried to comb my hair, I fixed my denim jacket and tried to smile as I walked towards him.

"Hi" I said.

Kyungsoo stared back at me and smiled.  
Fuck, I didn't think this through.  
What if I pass out again?  
Fuck  
Fuck

"Kim Jongin, right?" he said as he leaned on his locker.

"Yeah, I'm Kim Jongin"   
Fuck, that was kinda awkward.

"You were the guy who passed out in class" he said "Are you okay? Did you forget to had breakfast that day?"

I swear I almost passed out again in front of him.  
"Yes. I forgot"

"Okay" he smiled.

"I- I wanted to ask- to ask you something"  
I tried to say.

"Go ahead"

"Do you- I wanted to know if you- if you have a date - for you know.... prom?" I looked down waiting for him to reject me.

"Really?" it was a bit weird seeing him all happy and shit "I thought you were not going to ask me at all. But here you are, two days before prom"

I looked up at him.  
"No, Kim Jongin. I don't have a date for prom, I wasn't going to go. But since your friend told my friend Jongdae, that you had a crush on me, I've been waiting for you to ask me and make me reconsider to go. So yeah, to save you some time, I'll go to prom with you"

I couldn't find the words to say, so I just stood there, looking at him.

"I'll ask jongdae for your phone number since i don't think you can talk right now. I'll call you later, okay?" he walked away then.


End file.
